Tuesday, August 22, 2006

A Thief's CV

A sloppy shoplifter slipped police a vital clue after raiding our shop today. The six ft blond man was spotted leaving the Edinburgh branch with goods lifted from a display. A customer told me he thought a man in a blue top had taken battery chargers.

I looked left and right out of the door into Shandwick Place, spotting the likely lifter scurrying towards Princes Street. I ran after him but he must have sensed something or, more likely, heard my size 13s bearing down. He glanced round and broke into a sprint. During the chase towards Lothian Road I shouted out:

"You might as well stop I'm probably fitter."

Hearing this he threw a bag onto the ground. I gave up the chase as £80 worth of battery chargers are not worth a knife in the guts. That is what was inside the Lidl plastic carrier bag.

As an added bonus the clueless criminal had also thrown away a red file containing 10 copies of his cv. Unbeliveably he had included a photo in some copies. It told us he was probably from Eastern Europe and was looking for work in the building trade. It also stated the thief was hard-working, articulate and had much experience in the building trade. His ideal job was diamond drilling presumably with hot jewels.

The two constables, who took my statement, reckoned they might get a result......

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nice one, Mark. Tim